First Comes Love
Then Comes Marriage
Before Josh and I started talking about a wedding or marriage, we were discussing parenthood. I remember the first time we talked about the future, after maybe a week of dating. (We are romatics. What can I say?) We decided that two was the perfect number of children. Even our first “fight” was concerning the shoes our daughter would wear one day. (Jordans? On my princess? NO WAY, Joshua Cox!) I always played the mom or older sister in pretend games as a child. I have spent hours since middle school writing out names for my children – still do! My “Babycakes” board on Pinterest has been there since I first discovered the addictive joy of Pinterest. We have decided what our parents will be called when we make them grandparents.
You get the idea.
So six months into marriage, I stopped taking birth control. Although we knew we would not likely get pregnant immediately, I think we expected it within the average four months of trying. A friend that had recently conceived her miracle suggested a fertility app. We knew what to do. It’s not that hard, right? I mean, teenagers seem to do it all the time. We were sure it would happen soon.
But we could not have been more wrong.
If anyone has ever faced infertility, then you can understand the pain, fear, confusion, depression, loneliness, heartache, and sorrow that the last 22 months have brought Josh and I. We want our happily ever after. We want “and then comes baby in the baby carriage.” We want to start our family. And each month when the test strips tell us “NOT PREGNANT” yet again, I feel more of my hope for these things slip away. I can see myself turning into a bitter Hannah when I see more and more pregnancy announcements on social media or walk near the baby aisles of Target and Walmart.
I will write later about our particular medically infertile issues, but this post is just an introduction to our journey. And perhaps if you have never heard of infertility, this can be an introduction to the world of the empty cradles. Believe me when I tell you that it is a rather expansive world. About a year into our journey, I was blessed to discover the Instagram world of the #TTCSisters — a community of women who are all facing or have faced infertility. Two fellow TTC-ers found me on Instagram because of my PCOS hashtags. I was quickly entranced by the stories these women shared and by the support and encouragement given so lovingly! I began to feel hope once more. And now, with encouragement from these beautiful souls, I am starting this blog to share my TTC journey, to give hope to others likewise inflicted, but mostly for myself and Josh. For the hope to which we still cling. Which brings me to the title.
The title of the blog was going to be Our Empty Nest. This was chosen after hours of debate with the hubby, multiple lists, and personal reflection. But as I was attempting to create the blog, I realized that our little nest is not empty. Although my arms may not hold a baby yet, Josh and I have lives that are full. Full of Magic. Full of Laughter. Full of Beauty. Full of Fur. Full of Faith. Full of Sparkle. Full of Hope. Full of Silliness. Full of Love. So as you can see, our nest is most certainly NOT empty. It is FULL OF JOY!
And so Our Joyful Nest begins…